Behind this painting

This painting is about learning to speak more honestly, after years of holding back.

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For a long time, I found myself shaping what I said to keep things calm and avoid conflict. I learned to be careful with my words, to say what I thought others needed to hear, and to hold back what I really felt.

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At the time, that felt like the safest way to move through relationships. But over time, it meant putting my own needs aside and filtering myself before I had even spoken.

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There came a point where I began to realise something simple but unfamiliar — that I was allowed to say no. That my needs mattered, and that I didn’t have to shape my voice around fear in the way I once had.

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Even then, it wasn’t easy. Speaking honestly brought up guilt and a fear of upsetting others.  I felt uncomfortable and aware that it might lead to conflict when I said what I really felt.

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In the painting, the softness in her face reflects that history of holding back. The colour in her mouth draws focus to the act of speaking — not with confrontation, but clearly, and with a growing sense of certainty in her own needs.

A moment to reflect

When do you find it hardest to say what you really feel?